He said every man should have his own knife. March 1897 Father is going to take me on a camping trip this week. He had to argue with Mama to get his way, but she gave in when he pointed out that we couldn't gather any herbs for a few more weeks anyway. I think that he wants to get me toughened up and to be more like him. I know that he is not happy that I am shorter and thin like mother, not big and tough like he is. I want to be like father, but I just don't seem to be growing any more.The next entry appeared to be written by the same hand and pencil, butthe handwriting appeared shaky and hurried. The penmanship was nothinglike the neat precise script that preceded it. I think that something bad has happened to father, but I don't know where he is. I am here at home again. I am writing this while Mother is making me some of her tea. Last night was our final night for our hunting trip and we were camped just south of. ” I had a feeling of some affection for her now. Previously my emotion was mostly just lust.I had to find out some of her story, “Janice?” She smiled; we were now on a first-name basis it seemed. “Janice, do you have someone significant in your life now?”I could see a moment of hesitation, then pain on her face. “It’s been quite a while, about a year and a half now.” I could sense her sadness. She was perhaps a bit officious in her work role, but yet there had to be men who would gladly have her.Instead of answering, I moved to touch her. She said, “No, not just yet.” If not now, then when? Still, “not yet” implied good things in the very near future.She was suddenly playful now. “Would you like a drink?”I thought she meant a soda. “What kind of drink?”“I’ve got something here for us.” She retrieved a pint bottle of Jim Beam bourbon planted in the frame of the table. It obviously was yet another prop she had ready for the scene she had planned for me.She said, “I know we’re at work.
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